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March 8, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Well since I am an advocate of running my hands through a womans hair, it does take away from some part of the experience on my end ~Sigh~
March 8, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Natural beauty is always best! We need to appreciate the beautiful package that God wrapped us in and let love flow from it!! No weaves necessary!! I used to wear them all the time!! But now since I’ve just let my natural beauty flow…I enjoy everything even more!! *wink*
March 8, 2010 at 3:55 pm
I have…(had a man run his fingers through her hair…)…and it’s wonderful!!!=D
March 8, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Amen Markita!!!! Its so sad that nowadays, you have to tell a man its OK to put his hands in your hair b/c so many men have been scared off!!! I LOOOOOVVVEEEE ITTTTTT!!!!! Mess it up!!! It ain’t broke and it can be fixed.
March 8, 2010 at 3:58 pm
like they say…sweat it out!
March 8, 2010 at 3:59 pm
I prefer my woman to wear her own hair. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone who consistently wore a weave or wig. Just be yourself… If your hair is super coarse, wear locks and keep it moving.
March 8, 2010 at 4:01 pm
It’s unbeweaveable how black women has this facination for long hair. What’s wrong with being natural? Hollywood has program our women into thinking long hair defines their beauty.
March 8, 2010 at 4:02 pm
We can blame it on Hollywood if we want, but Black men (the ones that raise us and the ones that do or don’t date us) do their share of prefering women with hair that looks like Rapunzel’s!
March 8, 2010 at 4:03 pm
SO TRUE….I DECIDED LAST YEAR TO GO NATURAL..I ASKED FOUR OF MY FRIENDS TO DO IT WITH ME AND I’M THE LAST ONE STANDING…NEED I SAY MORE LOL
March 8, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Blame Black Men? At best, I can see us being one of many factors but then again I aint a women. Please elaborate? As a spineoff for the nature hair ladies do you find yourselfs getting less play for it?
March 8, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Well,… in my experience, men just like LONG: long locs, braids, relaxed…whatever. I’m growing a fro…so I have yet to see if men respond to long afro hair…I’m sure if it looks good. Having natural hair definitely weeds out the mainstream men…that’s for sure. I still get my share of roof roof’s! Also, where I live is pretty wack anyway…the supply is limited and geared towards the Europeans.
March 8, 2010 at 4:10 pm
blame black men? Again? Sheeesh… we are to blame for everything; right? You mean it’s beyond your control as to how you wear your hair? Wow; I feel like superman because of my newly found “man powers”!
March 8, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Blame Black Men?!? Never that! Willing contributors to Black Women’s self-image and how other see us! Absolutely! Good luck Arlesha! I relaxed my hair for the last time 4wks ago, but I’ve done this several times…. So we’ll see what happens this go round! Problem is, I can’t stand to play in my hair! I’m a ponytail, get up and go or let it flow … See Morekinda gal, and au naturel just means more work! Is it beautiful! Absolutely! And I’m sooo envious of everyone that has gone natural….. but I’m lazy! ;o)
March 8, 2010 at 4:12 pm
To wear natural hair you definitely can’t be concerned with how ppl view you. Its not about blaming black men for anything. It’s just sad to see that our own men don’t think that black women(people who look lke them) are beautiful and sexy wearing there own hair;not processed. I say blame it on the internal messages from slavery, but that a WHOLE other topic.
I’m sure if natural hair was accepted in mainstream media as the rule…not the exception, i think black women would stop relaxing in droves…
March 8, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Ok ok ok…in Tyisha’s defense, I think I see where she is coming from. It is not that we or SHE is trying to blame black men, what she is TRYING to express is what so much of what some women worry about. The truth of the matter is, like it or not…a lot of black women FEEL that black men prefer women with long/exotic/good hair as opposed to “… See Morenatural”. Now, I am certainly not making an excuse for women who wear weave, but this IS certainly a issue that has to be addressed. To be continued…have a meeting…lol
March 8, 2010 at 4:15 pm
I went natural because I like to do things, like run, pay sports, swim walk in the rain. So the main reason for me doing anything to my hair at a certain point was me. No, black man or mainstream could hold me back from those scissors. I must admit I had to really try and understand why, I had such an aversion to my own naturally very tight Afro… See More Caribbean nappylicious curls
. But once I got past the comments, and the questions of WHY, and how men don’t like short hair. I was OVER it haven’t looked back since. 5 years later they are down my back and (to me a source of inner strength and pride. I can’t be anyone but myself with dem locks.
March 8, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Let’s get to the core of it. Do black women rock perms and weaves to compete with women who have supposed “good” hair? Are we in essence saying that God did not give us what we need, so we need to support Koreans with billions of dollars? Black women have lower self esteem than we care to acknowledge. If a black man does not like your hair naturally like God made it to be, he is not the black man for you. Natural does not mean undone or messy. That is the misconception.
March 8, 2010 at 4:19 pm
@ TT I apoligize I must have taken what your posted about Black men out of context. @ MG just one man’s opinion as far as mainstream and Hollywood is concerned I think acceptance starts with us. Hollywood in many most cases gives us more of what they think we want as oppossed to creating something new. Just as with most urban trends we start it and the world accepts it.
March 8, 2010 at 4:20 pm
@Brandy…I concur.
@Chris…true true. That’s why it is being more accepted for black women to rock naturals…but, we still got a long way to go in my oppinion.
March 8, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Black men buy expensive clothes and cars because a lot of black women “prefer” a man with money and nice things. But i don’t go around blaming black women for this. If I felt the need to ‘conform’ to society’s pressure; that’s on me. Who cares what others “prefer”; I do me.
March 8, 2010 at 4:25 pm
You said that like those traits pertain ONLY to black women. What woman of ANY race doesn’t prefer a man with nice things and money. That’s a woman trait…or a trait that ANY woman can have. P.S. keep doin’ you cuz I will be doin’ me
March 8, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Well Daryl…thats awefully independant of you ….but really the focus here is not about blame…but just because it doesnt apply to you, that doesnt mean it isnt generally true. The truth of the matter is that women jump through hoops to impress men. No need to be defensive because this isnt about dragging men through the mud…but if we are … See Moretalking about beauty and/or physical appearance then the relationship with black men HAS to be discussed. And for the record…there are a lot of black men who resent the pressures placed upon them by black women and rightfully so….The point here is that if women were more independant and willing to go against the grain then more of them would be natural…and black men certainly play a role in that
March 8, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Another interesting thing to note is that besides the societal pressure to have “good hair”, there is generally a very negative perception of women with natural hair. Honestly, out of ANY outrageous decision I have made (and I have made a few), I never got more negative feedback from men than when I decided to go natural. Now for those of you who know me, I eventually said that I don’t give a damn what the masses think and I am tired of being a slave to chemicals and expensive weaves.
Many people don’t like to admit it BUT I had several men tell me and I quote: You are SO beautiful, why would you ruin your looks with something like dred locs? OR I would hear…you have such a beautiful head of hair…locs are nasty and you will look messy. I actually had to accept that MOST men I met had a negative opinion of natural hair and that is something that a lot of women have to overcome.
Also, I found my self Totally out of touch on the proper way to care for my hair…Most women have been permed and weaved for so long, their perception of maintaining natural hair is skewed. Ladies simply do not know how to me natural, fly and have versatility. … See More
March 8, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Dang…what was the question??? LOL! This convo is going off into all kinds of deep subject matter. Yeah…SMH.
March 8, 2010 at 4:37 pm
It’s all relative at the end of the day.
March 8, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Hey Hey DB and MG break it up. Go head with the doing me stuff thats the problem. We got to do we. Neither of us were engineered to do ourselves.
March 8, 2010 at 4:40 pm
V: I personally focused on the blame because it seems that black men get blamed for all of black women’s woes in the world. You seriously mean to tell me that black men’s love for long silky hair is driving a billion dollar fake hair industry? Come on now; a lot has to do with women just wanting to conform to what ALL of society’s ideal of beauty… See More.
The initial question was “how do men really feel about weaves, etc”. That’s what I was trying to answer in the first place, but it turned into a blame the man game instead. As a man, It’s NOT as important as women think it is. Yes, there are men who prefer the long silky hair, but there are plenty of men who have no preference.
March 8, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Vernicia, I went through the same thing while I was in the locking stages of my dreds. And I am glad i stuck with it and they have gotten over it fast. Most of the issue I had with going for natural in the first place had more to to with my skewed vision or lack of love for my own hair. How important it was what any man thought was instantly put in perspective.
March 8, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Chris: the “do me” was only to represent how I try not to worry about how others perceive me. Of course, we all want to be accepted in all parts of society, but it troubles me to hear folks just blame others for their own personal choices in life. That’s all…
March 8, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Man, Vernicia!!! You sooo have hit the nail on the head!!! This process of going natural is absolutely a process of learning ME, and what I am capable of! At Chris!!! No problem!!! At all! I understand where you are coming from also. I am only speaking from experience. I remember distinctly the looks and comments and DISGUST my father and uncles, … See Morecousins, friends, etc gave me when I cut my booty-length hair up to my ears….. soooo with that said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder… growing up, those looking at it were the Black Men in my life, so now as for many Black Women, its now about changing the images and perceptions that we grew up with as little girls!!! Sheesh this issue is waayyy deeper than follicles!!! I think I might shed a tear!!!
March 8, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Gotcha DB…and yes I do mean to tell you that…but not willing to debate about it at the moment…Just like women should listen to men more on items that they are “experienced” in men need to do the same..I agree that the idea of women blaming men is disturbing BUT it doesnt mean it isnt true. But back to the original question…thanks for weighing in
March 8, 2010 at 4:49 pm
But back to one of the original questions… hair is not the only hindrance in our intimate relationships….. or lack there of ;o) but is COMMUNICATION!!! Its crazy how this conversation went.. its good… but its so telling of how we don’t communicate so well with each other and we keep that shell on that we put on when we go out into the world… See More… instead of taking it off, when we communicate amongst ourselves. I feel that in so many ways, we have lost that sense of community, where we would feel safe enough to let our guards down…. and speak and listen to each other without feeling blamed for the others own personal issues… we all have this journey… whewwww boiii
March 8, 2010 at 4:50 pm
@Db I know exactly where you are coming from. I think in many ways us men being so simple find it amazing how influential some find us to be. Maybe due to our position and role in life it comes with the terriority.
March 8, 2010 at 4:51 pm
There is no anger or beef with DB or men. I was just weighing in on the question sense I have been natural for a few years now. Its all love on this end.
March 8, 2010 at 4:52 pm
well someone said you were powerful!!! yeah you are and so are we! it would be crazy to think that the members of a society don’t affect that actual society!
March 8, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I’m really not sure how my statement becama a “here we go, they blaming Black Men again!” Type of thing. Its simply a statement! Would I not be correct in stating that the members of a society are the actual influencers of that society? So we all maintain a degree of responsibility in this game. I mention men b/c we are talking about the intimacy … See Morebetween women and ……. men and our expectations of each other. I don’t hate y’all! I loooooooooovvvvveeeeeeeeeee y’all to the utmost!!!! but I also think its fair to mention men in our perceptions of oursleves. And its not to blame you for anything.
March 8, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Men are constantly bombarded with images of beauty that the media creates. Seldomn do you see the beautiful woman in the media portrayed with darker skin and/or natural hair. It takes a strong man to combat these fake and false images and look at a woman for who she is.
March 8, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I’m probably the only dude that knows that a ‘lace front wig’ is a wig that comes with ‘the forehead meat’ (smile) and you can tell after a while that its a lace front because you can see that net in the front … right in the front … She look like a screen door in the face … INSIDE OR OUT face … Like a FLYSWATTER FOREHEAD … LOL
March 8, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Seriously my mother wore wigs my whole life and had long hair …she had about 16 of those white wig heads and used all 16 of them … too each is own
March 8, 2010 at 4:59 pm
It’s been my experience that men don’t care just as long as you look good….lol. I don’t think men are that complicated. You look good–you are confident- If a man is attracted to a woman–and her hair suits her–she keeps herself together—I don’t think he cares…honestly. As in all things–people have preferences–long, short, natural, relaxed….it’s totally individual…
Having said that—I think the weaves are out of control. I support my sisters and whatever they wish to do with their hair. I’ve never worn a weave or braids or any wigs I prefer my own hair–relaxed or natural and I’ve been both……several times throughout my life…lol
It’s getting to the point where EVERY black woman has some sort of weave, piece or something else in her hair–even if it’s short. I saw a lady with a beautiful short–very short hair style the other day–complimented her–only to have her tell me it was a ‘lace-front’ piece??? (I don’t even know that that is but I’ve heard of it)–that she’d had styled and cute short. … See More
I watched Good Hair with my husband and I think it is an issue for men… I was surprised that some women won’t even allow men to touch their hair during a time of intimacy…. who is thinking about their hair at that time???
LOL Talk about putting a damper on the mood….